I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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