Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
