God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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