I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
