Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
