i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
