your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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