I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
