He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
