Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
