I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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