idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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