Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
