Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
