Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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