I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
