look no pants
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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