I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
