That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
