We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We have so much sex to catch up on
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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