omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There's a naked man in my car right now.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
