Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize