did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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