'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
