Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
