Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
