I should be sponsored by Trojan
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
