a queef is a wish your heart makes.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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