Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
