woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
