i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
