I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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