Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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