we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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