So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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