i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
someone threw a dead crab at me
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize