i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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