two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
