You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize