I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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