He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
