put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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