It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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