So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
