I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
