i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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