If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize