i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
