Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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