dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
ttyl tear gas
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
