Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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