he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize