just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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