Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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