Don't you send me to vm
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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