If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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