Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
