Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he puts the penis in happiness.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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