i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
be right there i have to get my cape
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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