I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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