Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
