I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize