margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
