Nicole vs. Life
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I lost the right to judge tonight
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
