Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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