ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
