Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
