There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
