turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
