i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Randomize
