THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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