I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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