I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All the doctor said was why
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize