I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
