How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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