i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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