tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
