Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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