He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
