Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize