On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
