We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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