this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
