don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
