Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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