All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
