He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
