This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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