Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm passing your future prison.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
