Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
