Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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