All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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