I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
