they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
