Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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