so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
