Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
They took my balls.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
