hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
