My nipple is on Facebook.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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