just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
