nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I looked at my own cervix.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
no you cant smoke seaweed
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
