5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
