just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
