i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
