I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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