I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
