Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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