Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
