Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
