I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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